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More filters. Sort order. Josip Ivosevic rated it really liked it Feb 07, Andrew Siegel rated it it was amazing Apr 19, Daniela Gonzalez rated it it was amazing Aug 27, Johnnie rated it really liked it Jan 19, Amy rated it it was amazing Apr 25, Celia Bean rated it it was amazing Feb 03, Baraa marked it as to-read Dec 16, Paul marked it as to-read Mar 30, Chris marked it as to-read Jun 25, Christi marked it as to-read Apr 22, Mari-louise marked it as to-read Nov 01, Jennifer marked it as to-read Jun 07, Rachael marked it as to-read Jan 20, LuckeyDevil added it Feb 05, Omnomnomreader added it Apr 02, Aline N marked it as to-read Jul 07, Lori Velez marked it as to-read Aug 09, But the typical partner also does not know what she wants and, to a large extent, who she is and what she wants to become.
These unanswered questions hamper the partner's ability to gauge reality, evaluate and appraise it for what it is. Her primordial sin is that she fell in love with an image, not with a real person. It is the voiding of the image that is mourned when the relationship ends.
The break-up of a relationship with a narcissist is, therefore, very emotionally charged. It is the culmination of a long chain of humiliations and of subjugation. It is the rebellion of the functioning and healthy parts of the partner's personality against the tyranny of the narcissist.
The partner is liable to have totally misread and misinterpreted the whole interaction I hesitate to call it a relationship. This lack of proper interface with reality might be erroneously labelled "pathological".
Everybody, Always: Becoming Love in a World Full of Setbacks and Difficult People
Why is it that the partner seeks to prolong her pain? What is the source and purpose of this masochistic streak? Upon the break-up of the relationship, the partner and the narcissist engage in a tortuous and drawn out post mortem. But the question who really did what to whom and even why is irrelevant.
EXCERPTS ONLY Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited by Sam Vaknin
What is relevant is to stop mourning oneself this is what the parties are really mourning , start smiling again and love in a less subservient, hopeless, and pain-inflicting manner. This abrupt, heartless devaluation IS abuse. ALL narcissists idealise and then devalue. This is THE core of narcissistic behaviour. The narcissist exploits, lies, insults, demeans, ignores the "silent treatment" , manipulates, controls. All these are forms of abuse. There are a million ways to abuse. To love too much is to abuse. It is tantamount to treating someone as one's extension, an object, or an instrument of gratification.
There is physical abuse, verbal abuse, psychological abuse, sexual abuse. The list is long. Narcissists are masters of abusing surreptitiously. They are "stealth abusers".
You have to actually live with one in order to witness the abuse. There are three important categories of abuse: 1. Threatening, coercing, beating, lying, berating, demeaning, chastising, insulting, humiliating, exploiting, ignoring "silent treatment" , devaluing, unceremoniously discarding, verbal abuse, physical abuse and sexual abuse are all forms of overt abuse. It is a primitive and immature reaction to the circumstances of a llife in which the narcissist usually in his childhood was rendered helpless.
The bulk of narcissistic behaviours can be traced to this panicky reaction to the remote potential for loss of control. Narcissists are hypochondriacs and difficult patients because they are afraid to lose control over their body, its looks and its proper functioning. They are obsessive-compulsive in their efforts to subdue their physical habitat and render it foreseeable. But why the panic? The narcissist is a solipsist. To him, nothing exists except himself. It is terrifying. Independent or disobedient people evoke in the narcissist the realisation that something is wrong with his worldview, that he is not the centre of the world or its cause and that he cannot control what, to him, are internal representations.
To the narcissist, losing control means going insane. Imagine, if you suddenly were to find out that you cannot manipulate your memories or control your thoughts Moreover, it is often only through manipulation and extortion that the narcissist can secure his Narcissistic Supply.
Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited EXCERPTS
Controlling his Sources of Narcissistic Supply is a mental life or death question for the narcissist. The narcissist is a drug addict his drug being the NS and he would go to any length to obtain the next dose. In his frantic efforts to maintain control or re-assert it, the narcissist resorts to a myriad of fiendishly inventive stratagems and mechanisms.
Here is a partial list: Unpredictability The narcissist acts unpredictably, capriciously, inconsistently and irrationally. This serves to demolish in others their carefully crafted worldview. They become dependent upon the next twist and turn of the narcissist, his inexplicable whims, his outbursts, denial, or smiles. In the absence of a self, there are no likes or dislikes, preferences, predictable behaviour or characteristics.
It is not possible to know the narcissist. There is no one there. His was a world in which sometimes sadistic capricious caretakers and peers often behaved arbitrarily. He was trained to deny his True Self and nurture a False one. Having invented himself, the narcissist sees no problem in re-inventing that which he designed in the first place. The narcissist is his own creator. Hence his grandiosity. Moreover, the narcissist is a man for all seasons, forever adaptable, constantly imitating and emulating, a human sponge, a perfect mirror, a chameleon, a non-entity that is, at the same time, all entities combined.
The narcissist is best described by Heidegger's phrase: "Being and Nothingness". Into this reflective vacuum, this sucking black hole, the narcissist attracts the Sources of his Narcissistic Supply. To an observer, the narcissist appears to be fractured or discontinuous. Pathological narcissism has been compared to the Dissociative Identity Disorder formerly the Multiple Personality Disorder.
oceanjo2.com/images/great/spiare-messaggi-di-whatsapp.php By definition, the narcissist has at least two selves, the True and False ones. His personality is very primitive and disorganised. It is incredibly disorienting. It is also exceedingly problematic.